3 Questions Emotionally Intelligent Leaders Ask Themselves Every Week

Strong leadership isn’t defined in calm moments. It’s revealed under pressure. When decisions are high-stakes, emotions are charged, and people are paying close attention.

In those moments, some leaders react. They might shut down or become overly task-focused. Others stay composed and intentional, bringing clarity to complexity and connection to challenge. 

What sets them apart isn’t just experience or intellect. It’s Emotional Intelligence (EI). 

At IHHP, we’ve spent over 20 years studying what high-performing leaders do when it matters most. One consistent finding: the most effective leaders build in regular time for self-reflection. Not once a quarter, not at review time. Weekly. 

Because emotionally intelligent leadership isn’t a personality trait, it’s a practice. And like any skill, it requires deliberate attention. 

If you’re a leader, or supporting leaders, who wants to drive performance and build a resilient, connected culture, here are three questions we encourage you to ask (and answer) every week. 

1. Where did my intention and impact not align this week?

“We judge ourselves by our intentions. Others judge us by our impact.” — Stephen Covey 

It’s one of the biggest blind spots in leadership: assuming that good intent is enough. 

You intended to be clear, but you came across as abrupt. 
You meant to coach, but it felt like criticism. 
You wanted to give someone autonomy, but they felt ignored. 

Emotionally intelligent leaders recognize that intention and impact are not always the same, and they take time to reflect on the difference. 

Why it matters: 
While 95% of people consider themselves self-aware, studies show that only 10 to 15% truly demonstrate self-awareness. When leaders reflect on misaligned moments, they strengthen their self-awareness and build credibility. They become more attuned to how their words and actions land with others, and they become the kind of leader people trust, even when things go sideways. 

How to apply it: 

• Set aside 10 minutes every Friday to reflect on moments of tension, confusion, or disappointment. Ask yourself: What did I mean to communicate? What may the other person have experienced? 
• When appropriate, circle back. A simple “I’ve been thinking about our conversation. I realize I might not have been as clear as I meant to be” can do wonders to repair trust. 

At IHHP, we call this closing the intention-impact gap and it’s one of the most underrated habits of powerful, people-centered leadership. 

2. Did I avoid a conversation I know I need to have? 

Some conversations are easy. But the ones that matter most, the Last 8% Conversations, are often the ones we avoid. 

These are the emotionally-loaded conversations where tension, risk, and uncertainty live: 

• Giving difficult feedback to a direct report who isn’t meeting expectations 
• Challenging a peer on a misalignment in approach or values 
• Pushing back on a senior leader when you feel something’s going off-track 

It’s human to want to protect ourselves from discomfort. But emotionally intelligent leaders understand that avoiding discomfort often creates more of it later. 

When you sidestep a needed conversation, the issue doesn’t go away. It festers. And it silently erodes your leadership credibility and your team’s trust. 

Why it matters: 

Avoided conversations don’t stay hidden. Over time, they show up as disengagement, misalignment, and fractured relationships. Leaders who have the courage to step into hard conversations foster a culture of psychological safety. 

How to apply it: 

• Each week, ask yourself: What conversation am I putting off right now? What’s at stake if I don’t have it? 
• Get specific. Who do you need to speak to? What do you need to say? What’s your positive intention for the conversation? 

You don’t have to script the perfect delivery. But you do need a plan. We teach leaders a six-step framework for handling high-stakes conversations with courage and emotional control. When you lead through the hard moments, your team takes notice. 

3. How did I make someone feel seen this week? 

This might be the simplest of the three questions, but it’s the one that leaders overlook most often. 

In the rush of deliverables and meetings, it’s easy to treat your team like a to-do list. However, high-performing teams aren’t built on check-ins, they’re built on connection. 

And that starts when leaders take time to notice and acknowledge people, beyond the job they do. 

Think about: 

• Did I express appreciation in a way that felt meaningful? 
• Did I ask someone a genuine question about their life outside of work? 
• Did I show up fully present in a 1:1—not just physically, but emotionally? 

These small moments of recognition compound over time. They create a culture where people feel psychologically safe to take risks, share concerns, and bring their full selves to the table. 

Why it matters: 
When people feel seen, they feel valued. And when they feel valued, they commit more fully. To the team, the mission, and the work. 

How to apply it: 

• Each week, identify one person you want to meaningfully acknowledge. It could be for their effort, growth, or simply who they are. 
• Choose a recognition style that fits them. Some prefer public shoutouts; others value a quiet, genuine note or conversation. 
• Challenge yourself to be fully present at least once a day: no phone, no multitasking, just listening. 

This isn’t “soft” leadership. It’s high-performance leadership, grounded in EI. 

The most effective leaders don’t wait for performance reviews or 360 feedback to improve. They build ongoing practices that help them course-correct in real time. 

These three questions, about alignment, avoidance, and acknowledgment, form a weekly self-check that keeps leaders anchored in: 

• Courage over comfort 
• Connection over control 
• Impact over ego 

The result is a leadership style that fuels both results and relationships. One that creates clarity, safety, and trust, even in high-stakes environments. 

IHHP helps organizations develop emotionally intelligent leaders who perform under pressure and elevate the people around them. Our Emotional Intelligence Solutions equips leaders with science-backed tools and practical strategies they can apply immediately, from the boardroom to the break room.